Friday, March 25, 2005

IF IT'S IN THE GAME, UNFORTUNATELY, IT'S IN THE GAME

by Jeff Kammann


In order to make the latest crop of sports video games as "realistic" as possible, the programmers at EA Sports are going overboard. Can you guess which THREE of the following ridiculous video game features is real?

a. In "NHL 2005" Franchise Mode, there is a random possibility of a season or part of a season being cancelled because of a lockout;

b. In "NCAA Football 2005", you can create your own cheerleaders;

c. In "MVP Baseball 2005" Franchise Mode, players are randomly tested for steroids and suspended if found positive;

d. During a game in "Madden NFL 2005", you can challenge "mistakes" made by the computer referees and overturn calls;

e. During a game in "NBA Live 2005", you can argue with referees and get thrown out of a game;

f. In "NCAA March Madness" Dynasty Mode, players can be suspended for various violations, including cutting class;

g. In "Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2005" Career Mode, your success will attract real life golf equipment manufacturers, who will sponsor you by giving you free clubs;

h. In "Rugby 2005", there is a check box that allows you to turn "Blood" on and off.

Rob added:
i. In LPGA 2K5, there is a chance of being "outed".


These are the correct answers: d, f, g.

d. During a game in "Madden NFL 2005", you can challenge "mistakes" made by the computer referees and overturn calls;

This is beyond absurd. I downloaded the "Madden 2005" demo to try out the game, and I was astonished to find this little built-in "feature". Now think about this: the SOFTWARE may have gotten the call wrong. The COMPUTER that drew the little pixels to indicate that my tight end got his knee down before the ball was stripped may have made a MISTAKE. And yes, you have to wait for the little animated zebras to run to the sideline and confer before the call is reversed. Well, this sucks the enjoyment out of WATCHING, so thanks for also sucking the fun out of PLAYING the game.

f. In "NCAA March Madness" Dynasty Mode, players can be suspended for various violations, including cutting class;

This is directly from the Games Revolution website review of the PS2 version:

"Your players will skip class pretty frequently, so you’ll have to spend discipline points to suspend them from games and straighten them out. If you don’t do this harshly enough, the NCAA will get on your case and threaten to bump you out of your conference. Since you have to spend a diminishing number of points disciplining guys, you can run out before the season expires and get screwed because your star forward decided to get into a bar fight."

Are you kidding? When you recruit these players, can you ask them if they already have a drinking problem?

g. In "Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2005" Career Mode, your success will attract real life golf equipment manufacturers, who will sponsor you by giving you free clubs;

From EASports.com:

"Play a Career: Obtain sponsorships from real equipment manufacturers and strive to surpass Tiger Woods on the overall money list."


You can get sponsorship money from numerous manufacturers, such as Ping, Cleveland, Callaway, Nike, etc., and unlock their equipment to use it. Nice insidious form of product placement! Remember: you can put a price tag on anything. Even the anti-marketing market, which is a huge market.

Please, if it's in the game, it doesn't REALLY have to be in the game.

MARCH MASHUP MADNESS



As always, the pairing in this particular mashup (thanks to the always crafty Go Home Productions team) is completely unexpected. If you can guess from the title Annie Rush . . . never mind, I'll tell you: it's Annie Lennox singing "Little Bird" using Rush's "Spirit of Radio" as the backing track. I love these things, and think this one is rather well done. However, I'm not sure how Rob is going to feel about this one; it might make him want to sit right down and cry, cry, cry. Hey, at least it wasn't a vocal lifted from the Broadway musical "Annie".


"Mashup" doesn't even begin to describe this one: it's more akin to a trainwreck in a blender. As for Wrapped Detective, the reggae vibes of both Elvis Costello's "Watching The Detective" and the Police's "Wrapped Around Your Finger" mesh nicely, with a nice sprinkling of Bob Marley into the mix . . . but wait, "Hello" by Lionel Ritchie? And "Stairway to Heaven", "Fever" and "Bus Stop"?!? Holy hell, where did they come up with this one? And what were they smoking at the time? And dammit, is there any left?

Thursday, March 17, 2005

MAGICAL MARCH

This is a great story. Forget that nonsense that I emailed/posted just now. This is what it's all about.

A NIGHT, A PROMISE THAT STILL RESONATES FOR INGLES FAMILY


By Pat Forde, ESPN.com


They walked the streets of Nashville in the wee hours of a March morning, not saying much. Father and son were soaking in a moment so rich with emotion that words would cheapen it. "Sometimes," said Kent Ingles, "the best times are when there's no conversing."

Hours before, Kent's only son, Zach, had shot the Eastern Kentucky Colonels into the NCAA Tournament. His 3-pointer with 22 seconds left, from roughly 26 feet -- "every story I've read, it gets 3-4 feet longer," Zach said -- clinched the Ohio Valley Conference tournament and delivered Eastern its first NCAA bid in 26 years. But when the Colonels' team bus left that night for Richmond, Ky., Zach Ingles stayed behind. He needed to share this precious time with his family.

He sat in a hotel room with his oldest sister, Jessica, and they talked a lot about the woman who wasn't there to see the shot go down. When Jessica, her husband and baby girl went to bed, Zach met his father and his dad's best friend, Paul Engel, in the hotel lobby. Sleep was impossible, so they went out for a walk. Finally, who knows how much later, they came back to the hotel and went to Kent's room. "Zach laid down on the floor and went to sleep," he said. "The hero."

An Eastern Kentucky hero, yes. A March hero, the kind that makes this month so compelling. But a family hero, most of all. The shot kept a promise Zach Ingles had made to his mother nine years ago. The day before she died.

On a January morning in Gowen, Mich., 12-year-old Zach Ingles stumbled downstairs for school wearing an NCAA Tournament T-shirt. Cynthia Ingles questioned his attire. "Mom, I'm going to play in this Tournament someday," Zach explained. That night, as a sixth-grader playing in an eighth-grade league, Zach had the game of his life. He scored somewhere in the neighborhood of 50 points, including 17 in a row at one point. Kent Ingles, the coach at Greenville High School, normally watched games from courtside. For some reason, he chose to sit in the stands next to his wife that night -- so surprising her that she did a double-take at his presence. After the game, Cynthia told Kent what her son had said about playing in the NCAAs one day. Perhaps the revelatory glimpse of her son's potential was a gift. Because it would be the last basketball game Cynthia Ingles ever saw.

The next night, Zach was running around the gym at Greenville High, waiting for his dad's game to start. It never did. Rather suddenly, Kent Ingles left the gym. Word trickled out that the game was canceled. When Zach asked why, somebody (nobody knows who, to this day) told him the news: his mom had died in a car accident. His sister Libby was critically injured and not expected to live.

Jessica Ingles was 17 and a star athlete, owner of 21 school records at Greenville High. She found Zach lying on the floor in the gym lobby, crying. People were just standing there, staring, so she swept up her brother in her arms and carried him away. In a way, she's never stopped carrying him. "She's always been like my angel," Zach said. "Jessica woke up one morning at 17," Kent Ingles said, "and went to bed at 30." Her first adult task was trying to console the inconsolable. Zach sat on her lap and sobbed, repeatedly saying, "I didn't get to say goodbye."

The subsequent weeks were a swirling trip through grief and chaos. After taking a couple of games off, Kent Ingles returned to coaching -- then spent every night at the hospital, where Libby was in a coma. Jessica had her own practices and games, but also helped shepherd Zach through the days -- fixing him dinner, overseeing his studying, lending an ear when possible. But mostly, Zach took his refuge in the gym. Using his dad's keys, he'd go there for hours on end -- sometimes shooting jumpers by the hundreds, sometimes just sitting in the solitude and thinking.

"Jessica was torn everywhere," Zach said. "I was in the gym. It got me through."

A month to the day after Cynthia Ingles died, the kids lost their grandfather, Kent's dad. But then, they finally got some good news. Libby had awakened from her coma. She began recognizing family members. Friends began coming to visit. Then, one day when her hospital room was crowded with friends, she spoke. Her first two words: "Where's Mom?"

"You never saw a room clear so quick," Kent Ingles said. "It was left to Jessica and I to tell her." Tears flowed from Libby, a straight-A student, class president and star athlete in her own right. But she knew the answer. She'd already been wondering where her mother was, but hadn't been able to verbalize it until that moment. From that point, Kent decided that his grieving family needed a bonding agent. They had always taken a spring break trip; they would do so this year, too. Despite everything that had happened.

They coaxed Libby through her physical rehabilitation to the point that she could leave the hospital. That day, they left for Myrtle Beach, S.C. Jessica describes one misadventure after another on the trip, including Kent backing the rented Astro van into a ditch. "I said, 'I bet Mom's getting a kick out of this,' " Jessica recalled. "We were half crying, half laughing. It was the first thing we really did without my mom."

Said Kent: "We spent a lot of time walking on the beach and talking, and, really, putting together a game plan." Zach remembers the first family dinner after the accident -- literally months afterward, following the weeks of hospital vigils. They sat at the dinner table, one chair empty. Kent Ingles told his family, "We're going to do this. We're going to be OK." They would be OK. And sports would help.

"Sports was very important to us before," Jessica Ingles said. "I'd almost say it was more important to us afterwards. It didn't take the place of relatives we had lost, but it gave us an outlet. Especially for Zach and my dad. "I don't know if [Zach] practiced more, because he always had practiced a ton. But I think the dream became more important, because he had told my mom, 'I'm going to do this.'"

A classic gym rat/coach's son, Zach became a scoring machine. Playing for his father, he scored 2,230 points in his high-school career. South Florida sent him his first recruiting letter in eighth grade, and the idea of playing for Seth Greenberg in Tampa never left Zach's mind. That's where he planned to go, but Greenberg stashed him at Pasco-Hernando Junior College in Deland, Fla., for further seasoning. After his freshman year there, Greenberg was gone to Virginia Tech and Ingles was left twisting.

Spectacular shooting helped him average 25.5 points per game as a juco sophomore, but recruiters remained lukewarm. Ingles was considering going to LaSalle before that program blew up in scandal. Finally, his junior-college coach told Eastern Kentucky's Travis Ford at a juco tournament, "I've got a kid who can just score."

"I like scorers," said Ford, who was a prolific gunner in his high school days. Ford landed Ingles and plugged him into the starting lineup right away -- a small peg in a large hole. He'd been a point guard in high school, then a shooting guard in juco -- now he's a 6-foot-2 small forward.

"He may be the only 6-2 white kid playing the three spot in D-I ball in America," Kent Ingles said. "And he doesn't have great hops, either." Whatever Ingles has, it's enabled him to average 11.9 points per game as a Division-I rookie. He's made a team-leading 64 3-pointers -- including the biggest 3 in Eastern Kentucky history.

The OVC title was slipping away in the Gaylord Entertainment Center. The Colonels had led Austin Peay all game -- led by as many as 13 in the second half -- but the game was unraveling down the stretch. The Governors kept coming, finally hacking the lead down to a single point with 51 seconds left. Eastern looked like the magnitude of the moment would force them to buckle.

"Miracles do happen. One's already happened, many times over. Lib wasn't supposed to live." — Kent Ingles

With the shot clock dwindling, Ingles wound up with the ball in his hands on the right wing. He was a long way out -- "a 30-footer," Ford says today, adding a few feet more -- but he squared and fired. "It's easy to say, but I knew it was going in," Ford said. "He likes taking the big shot, and he's made a bunch of 'em." Seated about a dozen feet from where his son launched the shot, Kent Ingles was slightly less confident. Zach already had made a pair of 3s, but had had a couple others lip out. Nevertheless, he had no qualms with his son taking it.

"I've only seen him make that shot a few thousand times," Kent said. "But I was nervous. As a coach I typically don't get very nervous, but that was a nine-year-old dream." When the ball ripped the net, the dream was realized. A promise had been kept. And when it was over, Zach Ingles bounded into his dad's arms.

"The reaction was just crazy," Ingles said, rubbing his crewcut and shaking his head. "Seeing my dad cry -- he taught me to play and everything. It was just amazing." Said Jessica: "It just totally fit. It was just kind of worth it. Just to see him, how excited he was. It was such a bittersweet moment. You were so happy you're watching it, but you're missing your mom so much and wishing she could be there to watch it."

Cynthia Ingles would love what she sees. In one way, this spring is the final piece of a triumphant Ingles family comeback. Jessica went college, saw her athletic career ended by a knee injury, but then went into coaching. Today she's the softball and basketball coach at Big Rapids High School. Her husband, Tim Haist, is the school principal and athletic director. Her dad is the basketball coach. Her daughter, Rylie Cynthia, carries her mother's name. Libby is the true miracle. At first, they feared she would not live. Then, they feared life in a vegetative state. Then they were told she wouldn't walk. Then they were prepared for a life of limited mental capacity and menial jobs. Now, Libby Ingles is on course to graduate from Western Michigan this spring.

"She's had a hard, long road," Jessica said. "But she's overcome and outdone everything they said she was going to do. She's tougher than any of us." And now there is the baby, Zach, hitting the kind of shot that makes March magical. The family was in the stands in Nashville, and it will be in the stands again Thursday when Eastern plays goliath Kentucky in the very first game of the 2005 NCAA Tournament (12:20 p.m ET).

One Las Vegas line installed the Colonels at 1 billion to 1 to win the national championship. A friend of Kent's asked him if he had a spare dollar to invest. "Miracles do happen," Kent said. "One's already happened, many times over. Lib wasn't supposed to live."

The note was dashed off quickly, in pen on yellow paper, a mundane message from a mom to her son. Not the kind of thing you'd normally find framed in a college student's apartment, but you'll find it on Zach Ingles' desk. He'd rediscovered the note a couple of months after his mother died, and has kept it ever since. She'd left it for him one day when he got home from school, telling him that she wouldn't be there but had left him a snack in the fridge.

The note said one more thing: She'd be at his game that night, watching. Jessica Ingles thought of the note that night in Nashville and was sure. "She was watching."


Pat Forde is a senior writer for ESPN.com. He can be reached at ESPN4D@aol.com.

MADNESS!



by Jeff Kammann


I'm really happy that the NCAA Basketball Tournament is starting today, which is no surprise to those who know me. I've been looking forward to it for months, and barely slept last night, like a 5 year old waiting for Christmas morning. My alma mater, Villanova, is in it this year, which gives it a little extra juice. And although the overall talent has been eroded in the past few years because of the NBA luring the best players away with giant wads of cash (and who can blame them), there's something inherently pure about a bunch of kids giving their all to win the championship for their school. They're not doing it for money, fame, or an endorsement deal. Well, most of them aren't, since 98% of them won't make it to the NBA. The focus isn't on the stats, the dunks, or the contract disputes; this tournament is all about teamwork. Yeah, I know I'm starting to sound like a cliché, but it's true. And there's a chance for an upset in almost every game, which is something that you don't see all that much. Unfortunately, the "team" concept is a rarity in organized sports.

Instead, if you check the news and listen to sports radio, it seems everyone is focusing on a handful of bloated, jacked-up baseball players who are testifying in front of Congress today concerning the steroid abuse problem in major league baseball. It irks me to no end that our government not only decided to waste everyone's time with this nonsense, but they're holding the hearings on the first day of the greatest tournament in all of sports. They're investigating a corporation of about 700 people, who are basically playing a game for entertainment purposes, to see if they cheated to increase their performance, and thus increase their paychecks. So what? It's like sending subpoenas to Julia Roberts and Renee Zellweger to find out if they got breast enhancement surgery to help them win their Oscars--a huge problem plaguing the entertainment industry. So what is this fact-finding mission going to prove? If people are harming their bodies in the long run with these performance enhancing drugs, is the government going to hold baseball financially responsible? Morally responsible? What can they possibly accomplish, besides getting a photo opportunity? The most ridiculous thing is they're not even questioning the biggest offender (in every definition of the term), Barry Bonds, about why his head is now bigger than Mr. Met's. So what's the point?

The point is that I've just about had it up to HERE with major league sports. And I'm not watching that crap today because I really don't care, and as a result I may not even watch baseball at all this year. For me, today isn't about a single player, a needle, or a tainted home run record. For me, today is all about the 64 teams that are trying to win the NCAA men's college basketball tournament.


Oh, and I'd be remiss if I didn't say . . . Let's Go Nova!!!

Saturday, March 05, 2005

EA SPORTS NHL 2005 - THE GAME ISN'T IN

by Jeff Kammann



Since there's no NHL, all we have is EA Sports' NHL 2005 Virtual Season. Finally, we have an NHL season that can't be destroyed by Goodenow and Bettman, and a host of other clueless players and owners. I think these results should be etched into the Cup (with an asterisk)!

In the final count, the Montreal Canadiens lost to the Calgary Flames in the Stanley Cup Finals. I would have liked to see the Devils beat the Sabres again in the playoffs . . . and they were #4 seed no less, meaning the Devils won Game 7 in Buffalo! Another heartbreaker. Hey, at least the Sabres made it!

I see Fedorov, and the Montreal Canadiens, both had good years, and the Rangers once again missed the playoffs (by 2 points this time). Wait, Andrew Raycroft of the Rangers winning the Vezina? Isn't he on the Bruins? Dumb EA geeks!

In other news, two Boston companies want to buy the NHL--yes, the entire league--for $3.5 billion. It might be the best thing to happen to this sorry ass league, if they get rid of Bettman, and a dozen or so teams that have popped up near the equator.

Friday, March 04, 2005

FRIDAY'S HOT TOPICS!

by Jeff Kammann

HOOTIE AND THE FILET-O-FISH. Ladies and gentlemen, Darius Rucker has left the building. The lead singer of Hootie & the Blowfish, who sold an astonishing 16 million copies of 1994's "Cracked Rear View" album (currently, the 14th best selling album of all-time, of which about 15 million copies can currently be found in used CD bins), has been reduced to shilling for Burger King. Done up in a big ol' cowboy hat and western wear, the singer can now be seen and heard selling some "Cardiac Bacon Ranch Sandwich" (or something) to the tune of "Big Rock Candy Mountain", in the hamburger giant's horrendously awful new commercial.



A little part of me laughed inside when I saw this guy, who was on top of the music world a mere 10 years ago (14th best selling album of all-time), in this ridiculous ad. No, that's not accurate: I laughed OUT LOUD when I saw it, nearly pulling a oblique muscle in the process. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Well, I mean he sold a lot of records, not that he's mighty talented. Anyway, I sure hope the paycheck was good.

DINGERS! DINGERS! On ESPN SportsCenter the other day, they asked Tim Kurtjkiajijkajijan, "Now that the games are starting, will the focus finally be taken away from steroids?" He basically said, "Gee, I sure hope so." Well, I disagree (and if I agreed, I guess I wouldn't be typing this). What better time to focus on who is cheating and who isn't by watching which of these bloated batsmen can still hit a 600 foot home run during a spring training game? But I guess it's perfectly fine for Barry Bonds to mock the press by calling their steroid-related questions "reruns", before putting on his size 15 3/4 hat and trotting back out on the field.



In the immortal words of Mark McGwire: "Do you want to know the terrifying truth about Major League Baseball, or do you want to see me sock a few dingers?" When he said that on "The Simpsons" back in 2000 ("Brother's Little Helper"), who knew how prophetic that statement would be? I have a feeling that the overwhelming response from most Americans is the chant of: "Dingers! Dingers! Dingers!" As for me, it's about time these guys told us the terrifying truth, which has ruined the integrity of this sport, as well as my affection for it.

WORD OF MOUTH. This story is amazing. During last year's deadly tsunami, only 7 out of the 75,000 inhabitants of the Indonesian island of Simeulue died, because they fled to higher ground after recalling stories passed down from generation to generation of a "semong", a giant killer wave that ravaged the island in 1907. Only seven?!? That's unbelieveable.

FROM: Hester Bstltom
SUBJECT: Identical pharmaceuticals -- gnomish price!


This latest turd that I found floating in my inbox raises so many questions. Are you offering me the ACTUAL brand name prescription pharmaceuticals, or are they just identical LOOKING? If you offer generic drugs, should I assume that in this case "identical" means "bioequivalent"? I'm also a bit confused about the price - you claim they are gnomish? Even though I'm well versed in Tolkien's work, I looked it up anyway; it's an adjective meaning "used of small deformed creatures". So are these prices only available to such creatures? Do they need these pharmaceuticals because of their deformities, or have they become "gnomish" because of your low-grade knockoff drugs? Please, Ms. Bstltom, what do you mean? And why do I feel like I'm in a dark alley being solicited by a guy behind a dumpster when I see these e-mails?

CHEAP DRUGS, WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOOT, EH? On a similar note, when I was in Florida last week I saw a store called "Discount Drugs of Canada". What does this mean? Are they a pharmacy? Can they actually get you "identical" pharmaceuticals at Canadian prices? Is that legal? Or is everything they sell wrapped in back bacon, with a notice, "Drink a whole glass of Molson when taking this drug"? What the hell is going on there?