MILK HUNTER

Amazon.com started off as an online book store back in 1934 (or so). Success over the years has allowed them to branch out and sell a larger variety of products from VHS, DVD, CD, and various other acronyms. Today, they are linked up with thousands of retailers across the country, making the choices for the online consumer nearly endless!

Yesterday evening I realized I was out of milk, and I certainly didn't want to "get up", "find pants", "drive to a store" and "stand in line to pay for it", etc. So where could I turn? Amazon, of course! Wouldn't you know, they now sell milk in their Gourmet Foods section! So I clicked on Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz by Tuscan. Not familiar with their products, I decided to click on the ever-informative customer reviews to help me make an informed decision. While it didn't rate quite as high as David Hasselhoff's best-of import CD, I was merely moistening my cereal with it so I didn't need "5 star gourmet milk". (Italian cows produce great shoes, so I would assume that Tuscan cows make decent milk.)

Now that I had been convinced that this was a good purchase, I added this to my "shopping cart". Hey, this is just like being at the supermarket! Except it's better, because I don't have to mess with that shopping cart with the one wheel that won't move, and has a handle coated with some horrible communicable disease. Not wishing to drink used milk, I decided to "Buy new" for $3.99. Now I would just have to get it sent to me somehow, and the only choice available was "expedited shipping" (which makes sense, since it will spoil, and I was planning on having cereal over the long weekend anyway). Thankfully, this was being sent from Gristedes Supermarkets of New York, so it wouldn't have to be shipped all the way from Tuscany! Relieved, I clicked through to proceed to the checkout (free of impulse items, gossip rags and people with too many items in the express line, mind you), only to see the following total cost:

Order Summary
Items: $3.99
Shipping & Handling: $26.25
Total Before Tax: $30.24
Estimated Tax:* $0.00
Order Total: $30.24

Not only would it not arrive at my doorstep until Monday or Tuesday (!), but it would set me back $30.24. Oh well, such is the cost of convenience! (Query: Since when did Ticketmaster start selling milk?) Anyway, I willingly gave them my VISA and completed the transaction. I cannot wait to eat that granola! Thanks, Amazon! Oh wait, I think I'm out of Oreo cookies too . . .