WOXY MUSIC

I'll say it again: terrestrial radio both sucks AND blows. The latest offender in the NYC market is a thing called "Jack", which has just usurped longtime oldies station CBS 101.1 FM (which I didn't listen to either). The New York Times has informed me that it's just one of 18 automated, soulless stations that features the same taped voiceover actor making witty quips between the "hits" from the 70s, 80s, 90s, and today. There are also "Bob" (hits) and "Hank" (country hits) stations across the country I'm told. God help us. This whole "Jack" thing started in Vancouver, so we can blame Canada.

Meanwhile, I've been listening more and more to internet radio stations, in particular, WOXY.com. They started broadcasting in Cincinnati in 1982 as independent FM rock station until they couldn't break even anymore, and then became an internet-only venture. They might be the first station to do that. Anyway, I don't care if you listen since it might not be your cup of latte (they also have WOXY Vintage, if you'd prefer to be stuck in the 80s), but I thought I'd mention them since they like people linking to their site. I guess it increases awareness and their web traffic, which through some e-magic, ultimately leads to more money, which is always good. Now, if they could only get these guys on Sirius satellite radio, I might cave in and buy it . . .

RANDOM TASKS

IT'S ABOUT THE FANS (EXCEPT FOR THAT LOCKOUT THING)! Today, they're ratifying the new NHL CBA at 3 PM, and holding the draft lottery at 4 PM. Afterwards, they're having a "NHL: We Love Our Fans" Picnic on Ice at 6:30 PM (hamburgers and cole slaw is $9, and beers are $11 each), the highlight of which is sure to be Goodenow and Bettman pairing up for the potato sack race, followed by an hour long "Hug A Defenseman" photo-op. Okay, I made that last part up. And I know they have to put a positive spin on everything to "get the fans back", but I think most people can see through the thick layer of post-lockout bullshit that they're spreading. After all, if it was really "about the fans", why did they cancel an entire season?


RUDY! RUDY! WAIT, RUDY? Now let me just say that first of all I like the man, and thought he was an absolute rock on during the terrorist attack on the Twin Towers. But just because he was mayor of New York City on 9/11 doesn't suddenly make him an expert on terrorism and mass transit security. In fact, wasn't he out of office long before Homeland Security was in effect, and years before the Madrid bombings raised concerns about security on buses, trains, and subways? Regardless, the glut of MSNBCNN type news channels have no problem interviewing him concerning the London bombings, even though he doesn't really have any real experience with it. Hey, they have to fill the time with SOMETHING besides the blonde teenager missing in Aruba.


WHAT WOULD T.O. DO?
I try to ignore athletes when they open their mouths, but sometimes you just can't avoid it. Sometimes they say interesting things, like Mike Schmidt on Bob Costas' new show, who said that he doesn't learn a damn thing about the game of baseball while listening to announcers like McCarver and Buck (not a surprise, but still funny). Most of the time, they give you nonsense cliches, However, the vast majority of the time, the stuff that spews forth is akin to Terrell Owens' latest bout of verbal diarrhea:

Owens, who wants a renegotiation of his seven-year, $49 million deal, which he signed last year, was asked about his contract conflict with the Eagles and told the Miami Herald, "I don't have to worry about what people think of me, whether they hate me or not. People hated on Jesus. They threw stones at him and tried to kill him, so how can I complain or worry about what people think?

Yeah sure, I see the similarities, Terrell Owens is a lot like Jesus Christ. For instance, while J.C. was betrayed by Judas Iscariot at the Last Supper, T.O. was betrayed by Donovan McNabb in the Last Quarter. While J.C. could miracuously walk on water, T.O. could run on turf with a broken leg. And when you play the DVDs of "Super Bowl XXXIX" and "Passion of the Christ" simultaneously on two separate TVs, Bill Belichek shows up on the screen at the exact same time as Pontius Pilate several times. And don't forget that Jesus, a swift cornerback during his playing days who had great hands, excellent field vision but didn't always finish his tackles, held out before his second season. So what's the big deal? By the way, Terrell, I don't think they just chucked a few stones at J.C., in the aforementioned Gospel According To Mel, and Jesus' Press Kit (The Bible), it says that they actually crucified him. To death. You can't "hate on" someone more than that.

Anyway, since it's now part of the Patriot Act that you must make a prediction at the end of every sports related conversation/article/statement, I (am required to) predict that if the Eagles dump T.O. before this season, they will win the Super Bowl. This is the Word of the Lord.

NHL: LOCK IN?

The NHL lockout is finally over, if they ratify this deal (and if they know what's good for them, they should). Well, it's about freaking time. Goodenow and Bettman didn't quit, but you can't have everything . . .

So here are some proposed new slogans for the NHL:


COME BACK AND WE'LL PIMP YOUR RIDE!
THE NHL: IT'S PUCKTASTIC!
COME FOR THE HOCKEY, STAY FOR THE BLOODY FISTICUFFS
REMEMBER US? YEAH, UHM, WE'RE BACK. IS THAT OKAY? YOU DIDN'T THROW OUT MY TOOTHBRUSH, DID YOU?
NOW NEARLY CANADIAN FREE!
OUR GOAL: THE COLDEST TASTING SPORT IN THE WORLD.
ALL SKATE!
KISS MY ASS!


No Fans? No Games? NO PROBLEM!!! 15 MILLION DOLLARS CASH BACK DIRECT FROM THE PKAYERS!!! WE ACCEPT ANY TRADE!!! 0.0% FINANCING FOR QUALIFIED OWNERS!!!
Everything you hated about the NHL is 76% back.
The NHL: Skating backwards into the future!
The NHL: Hey, any league can have a bad decade.


The Puck Drops Here... No Seriously it does.
NHL: Where the offseason is an indeterminate amount of time.
NHL: Never let them see you skate!!!
I know, It's only NHL, but I like it!! Like it!! Yes I do!
Is your Wood Bent? Ours is....The NHL. We're back.. and we're bent.
You! Mr. 301 days in the Penalty Box for Unsportsmanlike Conduct! You can come out now!
The NHL LUCKOUT Starts today!!!
The new look NHL, If it were any hotter, it'd be Water Polo!!
The NHLPA - Leave off the last "S" for Screwed.
The NHL - "No Hard Luck"
Introducing The Stanley Cap!!!
NHL: Ice is a terrible thing to waste.
NHL & Walmart: Now with 24% Rollback!!!
NHL 2K5!! Sounds like a Video Game!!!
NHL: Is it live or is it Memorex?
NHL: Come see us or else we'll cry.
NHL: Are we good now? You bet, man!!!
NHL: Now back from Sabbatical.
NHL: New Hockey Look, same great taste.
NHL: We need more of your money.


NHL: Wish you were Here
NHL: If you can find a better sport on ice in North America, by all means go!
NHL Guarantee: fewer players on steriods than MLB
Nissan is the #4 automaker in the world; you all like Nissan, right?
THAT'S RIGHT, WE DIDN'T PLAY LAST YEAR (WE BARELY NOTICED EITHER)
PLEASE COME BACK, OUR CHILDREN NEED VACCINATIONS
THE NHL: PARTIALLY FILLING ARENAS NEAR YOU [AGAIN], SOON
WE KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS FOR ALL OF YOU TO GO TO EUROPE TO WATCH OUR PROFESSIONALS PLAY, WE WON'T THAT HAPPEN AGAIN, AT LEAST UNTIL THE END OF THIS CBA.
J.R., NOT JUST FROM DALLAS ANYMORE (damn that would work a lot better if roenick had played for the stars)

A PLACE CALLED VERTIGO

This was an email thread from July 6, 2005 about the new Nyack bar called Vertigo.
___________________________________________

Rob: The new bar/restaurant at 91 Main Street has finally opened. It's called "Vertigo". I don't know where that name came from, but already I've heard stories that Larry Mullen is one of the owners. That's probably a myth, but who knows, he does have a house in Nyack. But then, why would they have a fake U2 band playing there in August? Anyway, my point is, I would have been (bean) more likely to go had they named it "Vertullo", which is just a few letters off. Now this may sound silly, but consider that since I've left Suffern, The Celtic House, Chubby's, Muggs Pub, and Ramapo Vally BrewPub have closed, and I expect the closure of former mainstay Walsh's any day now.


Karl:
In other NYU2K news,
Zoobar is changing it's name to Zooropa Bar, incidentally home of the inextinguishable fire.
Bruxelles is changing it's name to "Sunday Bruxelles Sunday",
Bourbon Street is now to be known as "Bourbon Streets have no name",
And please refer to the Hudson House is now referred to as Hewson House.
Casa de los tres Soles
Lest we forget, the Pediatric Throat Disease Wing of Nyack Hospital is now to be called the Ache Tongue Baby Center.


Rob:
River Club will change to River’s Edge
Oasis Grill, not quite sure what’s happening, will change its name to “Beatles Barbecue”
Hilltop will now be One Tree Hilltop (home of Lobster della Bono)


Jeff:
Olive's => Olive is Blindness
Luna Lounge => Lemon Lounge
Wasabi => With Or Wasabi
Golden Mushroom => Silver & Golden Mushroom
The King & I => Elvis Presley & America
Barz => Mysterious Gays
OVI => MLK
Walsh's => Bad

Don't forget the "Swedish Thing" who works at Sunday Bruxelles Sunday. As the song goes: "You know she likes black guys . . . "