It's been a long time between new posts here at the Eye-Opener, but it was worth the wait.
Started by Karl, this one is inspired by the not-at-all-helpful e-mail, THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW YOUR CELL PHONE COULD DO. Rob, Jeff, Shawna and brash, sassy newcomer Nicole joined in.
So kill some time with us by reading "THINGS YOU ALWAYS KNEW YOUR CELL PHONE COULD DO".
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1. Have a Mexican -or Asian- bring you an authentic Italian pizza and a coke. (kw)
2. Take pictures of Guinness pints. (kw)
3. Provide reasonable doubt as to your whereabouts the evening the young intern disappeared (rv)
4. Make painstakingly produced multichannel music sound like it was recorded on gramophone in a public storage facility. (rv)
5. Remove $67.05 from my checking account each month in exchange for not having to walk all the way across the living room to my land line. (rv)
6. Not actually "ring", yet helpfully inform me that I "missed" a call. (jk)
7. Drop the call just when she's getting to "the good part". (jk)
8. Go directly to voicemail so your wife cannot find you when you are having beers with friends or moving fish tanks. (sw)
9. Cell phone text messages can actually let your boss know you're out sick, without having to sound sick which no one does well, and you can send them while you're hunting!! (kw)
10. Rob, you don't even need to get up and go across the room to check your answering machine, you can call it from your cell phone. (kw)
11. You can call Jeff and tell him to bring beer. (kw)
12. Make everyone within earshot drool with envy when they hear your rare Men Without Hats ringtone. (jk)
13. Be universally referred to as a "camera phone", despite not being able to perform either function adequately. (jk)
14. Come in contact with water and cease to be called anything except paperweight. (rv)
15. The vibrate function of the phone allows you to all use it to 'massage' yourself. (nm)
16. Spark the Divinyl's renaissance with "I call myself, I want you to call me". (kw)
17. Travel forward in time then bring back the technology that allows cell phones to work. (rv)
18. Instead of calling someone directly and using 1 minute of airtime to say "I'm running late", you can waste 4 minutes awkwardly typing the same message into a tiny keypad and sending it as text (for an additional fee for both of you). (jk)
19. Makes true "toll-free numbers" a thing of the past. (jk)
20. Keep you up to date on 'currant' affairs. (kw)
21. Allows you to tell people you were using your Bluetooth enabled phone when in fact you were just walking around talking out loud to nobody like the lunatic that you are. (rv)
22. Allows you to use the speakerphone to let everyone in your presence know what you are talking about. And then talk louder to the people you can't hear instead of turning up the volume or putting the damn phone to your ear. (nm)
23. Really caters to drunk dialers . . . (kw)
25. Enables you to miss/skip 24. (you can watch it later on Vcast). (kw)
26. If you press the keys 5-8-0-0-8 and hold the phone upside down it looks like BOOBS. (rv)