by Jeff Kammann
For those of us not fluent in French, that means "Soup of the Day". Mmm, that sounds good, I'll have that.
A QUESTION POUR VOUS. Some people converse using a combination of Spanish and English words, sometimes referred to as "Spanglish". Are people who use a combination of French and English words speaking "Frenglish"? (Maybe Kris can answer this one.)
(Kris' response: The french term is 'Franglais'. I don't know the Anglicization though? Do we need a word? It's just the poseurs who try to use french words to make themselves seem more intelligent (...and you, of course, Jeff). It's totally different here...Somehow all the way up to the executive level the overwhelming ideology is if someone calls your name and you respond with a heavily, heavily accented 'Yes' you are somehow bilingual and therefore better than others...No actually, what I really mean is that there are so many French words in the English language as it is it would seem to be redundant to need a specific term for words like 'redundant.')
45% MORE DECEPTIVE! I was pondering my laundry detergent purchase the other day, when a label screamed out at me "VALUE SIZE - 45% MORE!" Intrigued, I picked up the bottle to give it a closer inspection, which is when I read the fine print: ". . . than the 100 oz. bottle". So what? Someone in marketing typed the numbers into a calculator and decided to put it on the label. What do I gain from this knowledge? So I checked how substantial my savings would be if I bought the bigger size bottle. (I think you can see where this is going.) As it turns out, the smaller size was cheaper at $0.88 a quart, while the "value size" was $0.90 a quart. Ugh. You just know that more people are going to pick up the "45% MORE" bottle, and not know they got screwed at the register. I hate marketing idiots.
YOU CAN HEAR THAT? I just heard a pretty good rock song by a band calling themselves Louis XIV, so decided to do some research on them. However, I just read this line from a pitchforkmedia.com record review of theirs . . . and I'm not sure I should read any further:
"This album has raunchy sleazy guitar solos, like on opener "Louis XIV", which sounds like Noel Gallagher fucking AC/DC's guest list in assless chaps."
That's what you hear, eh? So, uhm, in musical terms, is that good? I'm afraid of the answer.
MEN ARE FROM SATURN. The latest Saturn car commercials have a kid saying this ridiculous line: "Well, I could have bought a BMW Z4. But then I'd have a slower car. That's why I bought a Saturn." (That and the fact that I work at Wal-Mart.) Wait, throw that thing into reverse: did they actually compare a Saturn ION Redline to a fucking BMW Z4? The commercial would have been much more believeable if they'd said, "But then I'd have spent twice as much money on a car that's merely an extension of my penis."
CLOSING JOKE. Should people getting into obvious bad marriages register at Unfortunoffs?