With all of the nonsense reality, renovation, and republican shows on cable TV, I've found that the most fascinating thing to watch are the local commercials. It's not only the bad video quality and the horrible sound, it's the content that truly shines through. Let me share with you a few of my favorites and my observations:

Huffman-Koos. This old-school furniture store is closing its doors forever, thanks to the evil IKEA empire and its ilk. So naturally, EVERYTHING MUST GO! FINAL LIQUIDATION SALE! WE'RE CLOSING OUR DOORS! However, if you read the fine print during the commercial, it says something like "Inventory Has Been Added To Supplement This Sale". Okay, so they're clearing everything out . . . while continuing to deliver new furniture? What? Why? What don't you understand about the word "clearance"?

West Nyack Saturn. This is a simple spot featuring "actual" interviews of "actual" customers who have had positive experiences at this dealership. And by the looks of it, there are no actors here, which is fine. But the last guy says, "I went here and found a great used Mercedes that I wouldn't have found anywhere else." Maybe I missed something, but exactly how does that get me to buy a Saturn? Do they really want people to show up to their dealership and say, "Don't you have anything else but these damn Saturns?"

Dan Buckey Ford. This local yokel implores you to "Buy American", which is a swell jingoistic idea--if it was 1956. But it's not so easy to do this anymore in this global economy, especially with cars, where you can't even keep track of where the parts are made and assembled. But the closing disclaimer by ol' Dan himself just baffles the Hell out of me, and I'll give a shiny new donkey to whoever can explain it:

"At Dan Buckey Ford, we are not flag wavers, but we are extremely patriotic."

What the flying Focus does that mean? Is that like saying, "We do not inhale, but we are huge pot smokers" (to paraphrase Bill Clinton)? Or is it more like, "We are not gay, but we can appreciate a sexy guy when we see one"? And what does that have to do with selling cars? Because I ain't buying no F-350 pickup from no flag wavin' queer!